This weekend my son and I argued incessantly. He would do or say something and I would respond, or I would ask him to do some chores and he would reply with a complaint and questions about unreasonable parents. He is clearly manipulating me out of a desire for attention whether positive or negative. He and his brother compete constantly for my attention and that is a dynamic that has thrown me out of sorts.
My mistake has been not thinking out the problem, defining it, turning it over and looking at it. I have not only allowed myself to be drawn into a child's battle, but also let the child choose the type of combat and the weapons we would use. The escalation of words and anger becomes tornadic and the end result is hurt feelings all around. This is a lack of control that I should have and retain as the elder participant in the relationship. I have resolved that when the situation arises that I will use an image that is soothing and will help me remember why the drama gets played out.
I close my eyes and see myself walking down a stone path. up ahead there is a place that is shaded, colorful, and inviting. I walk at a pleasant pace and the path meanders around a group of smooth-bark trees with large leaves. The sun is shining above, but the leaves soak up most of the light leaving a canopy of yellow and green above me. Ahead there is a wooden bridge. Looking at the perfect arching lines flowing from one side to the other, the craftsmanship is obvious and it is something that I can appreciate. I can see that the bridge is the entrance to a Japanese-style garden and at the far end of the bridge the stone path picks up again. It is flanked by small trees that have magenta blossoms and a sweet scent. I can't see much beyond because the path gently winds out of sight into the garden.
All this I have seen from the near side of the bridge and I want to go into the garden and see, smell, and experience the beauty that a nameless gardener built for my enjoyment. I walk up to the bridge and to my left I see a small sign on top of a wooden box. The sign says that the garden will be here whenever I need it and I am welcome any time. It also says that I must leave disquieting feelings in the wooden box. When I have enjoyed my visit in the garden I can come back to the box and pick up those feelings if I still feel a need for them.
3 comments:
Oh boy, comments!
Something I'm fixating on at the moment: the introduction of peripheral characters not essential to the story, but used as background. I noticed it in Kim's piece ("the braying of children fighting over some toy"), yours ("...the beauty that a nameless gardener built...") and mine ("Seated nearby under a plain pavilion sat a small group of men, their faces neutral"). Something in these rings a little forced to me, a little awkward. I think we're all trying to expand the environment we're describing, but I wonder if there's a danger in bringing in characters that are not integral to a story that should stay as tight as possible. This make any sense, or am I babbling?
I am a little torn over that thought. I think it is not unreasonable to have non-character persons in a story. I think you have a good point regarding writing discipline, but for a different reason. My writing at least has (in my opinion) always suffered from not having enough description in it, so when I wax descriptive it does sound forced - not because of a non-character person is in the story, but because I am making a concious effort to "take a lead" in some seemingly appropriate place in the story. I think what is happening is that you are becoming concious of my concious descriptive effort and it is distracting from the story. Just spoke to you on the phone. Summarizing our phone call for future reference - we may be over-describing a scene or situation which disrespects the reader's imaginative ability.
I think I agree - I don't think it's necessarily a question of having peripheral characters. I can't quite put my finger on it: I don't know if it's a question of phrasing, or a change from a sort of first-person observing to a more God's-eye perspective...
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